Tag: Humor

In the Spirit of Robin Williams, I Will Try to Bring More Joy Into the World

In the Spirit of Robin Williams, I Will Try to Bring More Joy Into the World

robin-williams

I’ve been feeling angry lately. Some of it has to do with getting over a chronic cold and not being able to abide by my normal routine of working out, cooking food that isn’t crap, and being social.

But a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I’ve been spending too much time on Facebook. I scroll through my phone and sigh at depressing news headlines, read hateful comments with disgust, and sometimes offer my own color commentary. Commentary which typically reads like a mathematical equation of why I think so-and-so is an idiot.

There is so much hatred and divisiveness in our world. And I know I’m part of the problem.

This week, Robin Williams’ death was officially deemed a suicide.

When Robin died in August, it really affected me. I knew about Robin’s history with mental illness and addiction. And I always sympathized with him, because I also struggle with mental illness. Coincidentally, I am on the same depression medication that Robin was taking before he died.

When Robin died, I couldn’t help thinking, “Is there still hope for me? Will I eventually end up in the same boat? Despite all the medication and the various treatments, will it one day just be too much to take?”

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According to reports, it seems that Williams’ suicide could have been due to several factors: a combination of mental illness and a form of dementia that could cause hallucinations. There were no drugs or alcohol in his system. Just normal levels of anti-depressant medication and caffeine.

But that evening in August, I sat in our home office and sobbed uncontrollably, wondering if it was all hopeless. I watched the clip of Robin’s brilliant, Oscar-winning performance as Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting and how expertly he cut Matt Damon’s character to the core with his character’s brutal honesty and life experiences. I could see Williams channel both the dark and light side of himself into that unforgettable character.

Then I saw someone share a clip from the movie Hook. It was the scene where one of the lost boys takes Robin’s face in his hands, examines it, pushes it into a smile, and declares, “Oh there you are, Peter!” The person who shared it said, “This scene kind of depicts what people like him suffering from mental illness need. Someone who sees who they really are and will stand on their side… no matter what.”

Oh man. That one really got me.

Tuesday was Veterans Day and my husband watched Black Hawk Down. After watching it, he said, “Man, that was sad. I could really use a happier Veterans Day movie.”

“What about Good Morning Vietnam? That’s kind of happy,” I offered.

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So we put it on. And as Robin belted his famous, “GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM!!!” and hammered through that brilliant first monologue, I became teary-eyed from both laughter and sadness. There he was, being Robin, dishing joke after joke and doing what he did best: making people smile and laugh. I know the movie is a work of fiction loosely based on a real person. But to think of it… his character’s antics boosted morale in what was the worst place on earth.

And that’s what Robin Williams did throughout his career. He boosted our morale through good times and bad. He took his pain and instead of letting it destroy him, he breathed joy and happiness into the world. He encouraged us to not take life so seriously. He inspired us to be kinder to each other.

I think that was part of Robin’s personal regimen for keeping his mental illness at bay. I know I’ve used humor myself to cope with depression and anxiety. Humor helps me forget. And if I can make someone else laugh in the process, that brings me joy. And it makes me feel like I have a purpose.

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But I know I haven’t been that person lately. And due to that, I’ve questioned my purpose.

Glenn Beck also made the news this week, with the revelation that he has suffered and undergone treatment for a neurological disorder.

While I feel sorry for Mr. Beck, I think he is an example of someone who has used his gifts to inspire more hatred and division in this world. I hope that changes. Maybe it will now that he is well. But time can only tell.

Robin suffered as well, but he used his gifts to bring people joy. And that’s not what killed him. I think that’s what kept him alive for 63 years.

This week I decided that I want to be more like Robin was. I want to try to bring people more joy instead of bringing them down. I want to stop arguing with people so much and dismissing them for ridiculous reasons. Instead, I want to make them laugh. I want to encourage them. I want that to be my legacy.

It’s worth it to at least try to leave the world a happier place than it was when you entered it. I’m going to try.

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Missed Connection: The Smokey Bones Waitress

Missed Connection: The Smokey Bones Waitress

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The other day my husband and I went to Smokey Bones, a BBQ restaurant chain. The atmosphere of the restaurant is what I would consider to be casual and family-friendly. Usually the staff members wear jeans and black t-shirts.

This visit there were a few waitresses floating around wearing short plaid skirts, black suspenders, and white t-shirts. I didn’t recall that being the dress code, but I could have been mistaken. There were other staff members who were still wearing the usual jeans and black t-shirts. Maybe the restaurant was undergoing a transition?

It was mid afternoon on a Saturday and there were mostly families in the restaurant. The staff seemed to be setting up an area for a child’s birthday party.

The girls in skirts seemed a little out of place. I commented on this to my husband, and he shrugged. I shrugged back. I’m not the type of person who makes a fuss over girls in short skirts. I’m not a slut-shamer and I really don’t care. But to me, it seemed that some of the girls may have felt out of place too. They appeared resigned to the outfit either because it was a new thing Smokey Bones was rolling out or they received better tips while wearing it.

I went to the ladies room before leaving the restaurant. When I came out of the stall, there was a Smokey Bones waitress in one of those plaid skirts and suspenders fixing her hair in the mirror. I washed my hands and put lipstick on in the mirror while she primped.

The waitress then sighed and took an honest look at herself.

“I look so ridiculous,” she said.

I immediately laughed. The way she said it was so funny and honest.

But then I didn’t want her to think I was laughing AT her. I honestly sympathized with her. So I tried to think of something reassuring to say like, “No… you don’t look ridiculous!” or, “Man I’ve been there… working shit jobs and having to wear stupid outfits.” But neither of those responses were really honest. Sure, I’ve worked shit jobs, but I’ve never worn a plaid skirt and suspenders to get a paycheck. Because it IS ridiculous.

I’m also not one of those “Oh sweetie!!!” girls. I hate those girls and I assumed this girl would too. (You know the ones. “Oh sweetie!!! You look gorgeous! Stop worrying so much!”  Vomit.)

I AM SO AWKWARD! I thought to myself as I was washing my hands. What should I say?! Nothing entered my brain. NOTHING.

So I finished washing my hands and walked out of the ladies room, leaving her statement and my laughter hanging in the air.

I immediately felt TERRIBLE about it. As I exited the restaurant, I imagined her telling the other waitresses what a dick she ran into in the ladies room.

What I wanted to say to the Smokey Bones waitress:

  • You’re hilarious.
  • I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because I thought you were funny.
  • I would feel just as ridiculous wearing that outfit.
  • If this happened 10 years ago when I was your age, I would totally be friends with you.
  • I’m sorry I’m so awkward.
  • You seem intelligent.
  • It will get better.

Sorry, Smokey Bones waitress. You’re awesome. You don’t have to need to wear a ridiculous outfit and rack up tips to prove that.

The First Time I Visited Kansas

The First Time I Visited Kansas

Yesterday I received a Facebook message out of the blue from my college friend, Jared Fiske.  He said he was going through some old files on his computer and found something I wrote back in 2004. How random is that?!

Jared and I went to UMass Amherst together and became friends during our freshman college writing class. Jared was one of the few writers in that class I enjoyed reading (it was a required course for freshman and most of our classmates were only there because they had to be there).

Jared was and is a very talented musician. I remember being blown away when he first shared his lyrics and music with me. I think we ended up in few other English classes together and continued to share our writing with each other during our college years.

I was so glad to learn that Jared continues to make music and perform. Check out his website. His recent EP, The Twisted Man, is AMAZING. As I listen to it, I am reminded of what a great writer he is.

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Throwback to Jared in 2003 – with his guitar (as always).

Here is the piece Jared found. It’s about the first time I visited Kansas.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow*

Undated, circa 2004

Before leaving school for the summer, I was asked by several friends if I had any exciting vacation plans. When I told them I was going to Kansas, I received strange looks and questions like, “What the heck is in Kansas?” Well… there are a lot of things: cows, wheat, telephone poles, tornadoes, college football rivalries, and Sonic Drive-Ins. But seriously, I went to visit my boyfriend Greg’s family. Before this, I had never been farther west than New York.

Kansas wildlife

Before touching down in Wichita, I peered out the airplane window and saw miles and miles of green and gold squares divided by perfect straight lines. These were roads, which were mostly empty except for the occasional tiny pick-up truck. Then the landscape blended into an impressive, bustling city with buildings and sporadic traffic. I remembered Greg being amazed at the traffic reports on the news in Massachusetts, because Kansas, for the most part, doesn’t have traffic reports.

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The Mid-Continental Airport in Wichita is tiny compared to Boston’s Logan.  There is one terminal and 12 gates. It’s not a hassle to park and get in and out of there. When my Dad dropped me off at Logan, we were dodging buses and taxi cabs in the pickup/drop-off area.  In one swift movement, he hauled my suitcase out of the trunk and gave me a quick hug goodbye. I entered Terminal A to Boston’s crazy off-beat soundtrack– beeping and yelling away. It was nice to feel my heartbeat slow down when I got off the plane in Wichita.

I met Greg’s family and we drove out of the city. I was surprised how much Wichita reminded me of the suburbs of Boston. Somehow I got the idea that it would be a farm town (perhaps from the White Stripes song “Seven Nation Army,” where Jack White sings about going to Wichita and working the land). Businesses and billboards decorated each side of the highway.  One billboard in particular told me to “Fear Not… God Fights Your Battles,” citing a verse in Exodus. I snapped a picture.  It was something I would never see in my home state.

wheat

Soon I saw all the cows and farmland that everybody talks about. The sun was shining on the near-harvest wheat**, and it was absolutely stunning to see all these fields of gold. How Elysian, I thought. The simplicity and peace of this place was spiritually moving; proof that Kansas, being on a much higher sea level, must be closer to Heaven.  Even at night the stars are more apparent.  The Kansas state motto is “Ad Astra Per Aspera,” which means “To the stars through difficulty.” At first I wondered what was so difficult about it, but I think the point of the phrase is to always aspire to a higher place, even if the journey already feels quite finished. It makes sense when I recall that this is Amelia Earhart’s home state.

Driving across the great plain, one can see for miles in the distance. I ask Greg’s family about how many tornadoes they’ve seen, and only Greg’s mother has seen one. The natives don’t worry about tornadoes as much as one would think, and now I can understand why. First, the regular storms make themselves very obvious with dark, fast-moving clouds. Second, the view of the landscape goes on for miles, so if a tornado forms and it’s far enough away, you can sit and watch it on the porch until the sirens go off, telling you to take shelter in your basement.*** The warning system is also very good, compared to less predictable disasters such as earthquakes.

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We were handed the above card at the Warren Theater in Wichita when we bought movie tickets as the area was under a tornado watch.

One night Greg and I went to the Warren Theater in Wichita and had a good half hour before the movie started. A storm was brewing outside, so we sat in the parking lot after purchasing our tickets and watched it. There was a tornado watch, but nobody starts to worry until the weather service puts out an actual warning, which means that a tornado has been sited somewhere nearby. The sky was a dark green, and the clouds were moving in opposite directions. I was both terrified and fascinated. I wanted to run into the theater, but I was in such awe that I couldn’t bring myself to leave the car. The radio reassured us that there wasn’t enough rotation in the clouds for a tornado anyway. Lightning filled the sky cloud-to-cloud and cloud-to-ground, and thunder crashed and roared. I’ve seen thunderstorms before, but nothing like this. The gods were certainly pissed off about something. The warning came out that a few tornadoes had touched down in Salina (about an hour and a half drive north of Wichita), and we ran into the theater as a near-biblical flood rained down upon us.

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The sun was setting as we approached the small town of Cunningham, population five-hundred and twenty-something. Greg’s family pointed to both ends of the town, which were made visible by the lights coming on in various homes. It looked about a square mile. In the center of town were grain elevators… otherwise known as “Kansas skyscrapers.” This is where the grain is stored throughout the year after it is harvested. Each town has them, and they are usually located right next to the train tracks where rail cars can load up directly and pay by weight.

I took one look at this and thought, “I’ve a feeling I’m not in Boston anymore.”*

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*After I moved to Kansas in 2006, I learned that people in Kansas HATE Wizard of Oz references. I became one of those people.
**Wheat is the dominant crop grown in Kansas, not corn. There are some corn fields, but they probably make up less than 20% of the fields you see in Kansas.
***This does not apply to most night and rain-wrapped tornadoes.

Top 40 Things To Do With Life

Top 40 Things To Do With Life

Each Thursday, I’m going to choose a random journal entry from my past and share it with you.

Not dated. From a notebook I kept during my freshman College Writing class in the Fall of 2001.

Here’s a pic of me in my Freshman dorm room. I’m 18 and pretty dumb. That’s Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rouge in the background, on my old desktop I only had the heart to throw out a year ago.


OMG eat a burger, bitch.

Top 40 Things To Do With Life

1. Not sell out and become a tool like most everyone else.
2. Travel lots & write about it.
3. Write something meaningful.
4. Get married if I’m in the mood.
5. Not have babies.
6. Indulge in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
7. Steal from Walmart as much as possible.
8. Continue to be active in community.
9. Adopt if I feel like it.
10. Stay beautiful gorgeous.
11. Read lots.
12. Learn new skills for shits and giggles.
13. Own a typewriter.
14. Maintain a healthy appetite.
15. Make awful ex-boyfriends regret the day they met me Get off meds.
16. Have good karma.
17. Get closer to God.
18.

The list ends there. I’m not sure if it’s because I ran out of time during an in-class exercise, or I got distracted.

I’ve accomplished most things on the list. The one thing I regret is not owning a typewriter. I need to get on that.

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