Tag: Women

Missed Connection: The Smokey Bones Waitress

Missed Connection: The Smokey Bones Waitress

smokeybones
The other day my husband and I went to Smokey Bones, a BBQ restaurant chain. The atmosphere of the restaurant is what I would consider to be casual and family-friendly. Usually the staff members wear jeans and black t-shirts.

This visit there were a few waitresses floating around wearing short plaid skirts, black suspenders, and white t-shirts. I didn’t recall that being the dress code, but I could have been mistaken. There were other staff members who were still wearing the usual jeans and black t-shirts. Maybe the restaurant was undergoing a transition?

It was mid afternoon on a Saturday and there were mostly families in the restaurant. The staff seemed to be setting up an area for a child’s birthday party.

The girls in skirts seemed a little out of place. I commented on this to my husband, and he shrugged. I shrugged back. I’m not the type of person who makes a fuss over girls in short skirts. I’m not a slut-shamer and I really don’t care. But to me, it seemed that some of the girls may have felt out of place too. They appeared resigned to the outfit either because it was a new thing Smokey Bones was rolling out or they received better tips while wearing it.

I went to the ladies room before leaving the restaurant. When I came out of the stall, there was a Smokey Bones waitress in one of those plaid skirts and suspenders fixing her hair in the mirror. I washed my hands and put lipstick on in the mirror while she primped.

The waitress then sighed and took an honest look at herself.

“I look so ridiculous,” she said.

I immediately laughed. The way she said it was so funny and honest.

But then I didn’t want her to think I was laughing AT her. I honestly sympathized with her. So I tried to think of something reassuring to say like, “No… you don’t look ridiculous!” or, “Man I’ve been there… working shit jobs and having to wear stupid outfits.” But neither of those responses were really honest. Sure, I’ve worked shit jobs, but I’ve never worn a plaid skirt and suspenders to get a paycheck. Because it IS ridiculous.

I’m also not one of those “Oh sweetie!!!” girls. I hate those girls and I assumed this girl would too. (You know the ones. “Oh sweetie!!! You look gorgeous! Stop worrying so much!”  Vomit.)

I AM SO AWKWARD! I thought to myself as I was washing my hands. What should I say?! Nothing entered my brain. NOTHING.

So I finished washing my hands and walked out of the ladies room, leaving her statement and my laughter hanging in the air.

I immediately felt TERRIBLE about it. As I exited the restaurant, I imagined her telling the other waitresses what a dick she ran into in the ladies room.

What I wanted to say to the Smokey Bones waitress:

  • You’re hilarious.
  • I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because I thought you were funny.
  • I would feel just as ridiculous wearing that outfit.
  • If this happened 10 years ago when I was your age, I would totally be friends with you.
  • I’m sorry I’m so awkward.
  • You seem intelligent.
  • It will get better.

Sorry, Smokey Bones waitress. You’re awesome. You don’t have to need to wear a ridiculous outfit and rack up tips to prove that.

Dolly Parton is a Feminist Icon

Dolly Parton is a Feminist Icon

Dolly

Oh, Dolly. You are just my favorite.

That’s why I was so excited when I found you on the cover of the June/July issue of BUST Magazine and immediately purchased a copy.

And who belongs on the cover of BUST more than you do? No one. You busty goddess, you.

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Can’t. Look. Away.

And the article about you was great. I could tell that the writer loved you and thought you obviously belonged in the feminist canon. Even though you don’t call yourself a feminist, I think you’re one fantastic lady who has inspired many women to be strong, funny, caring and hard-working.

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But in the Editor’s Letter near the beginning of the magazine, Editor-In-Chief Debbie Stoller admits, “…I’m afraid I may have been absent the day [Parton] became a feminist icon…. whether she belongs on a feminist pedal has resulted in at least one debate/shouting match here at BUST.

Which immediately made me roll my eyes. I understand where Stoller is coming from, but I am always weary of feminist in-fighting and the whole “She’s more feminist/she’s not feminist enough” bullshit. It’s counterproductive to the movement.

I mentioned this to my husband over breakfast and he also thought it was ridiculous to argue about whether or not Dolly Parton is a feminist icon. “Obviously she is. Just listen to her music,” he said. “Women can be their own worst enemies. With men, a similar conversation would go something like this:

‘Hey dude, you wanna be part of a masculine movement?’

‘Word, bro. Pound it.'”

And as he says this, I’m imagining Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill pounding fists and not giving a second thought about who belongs in the masculine movement with them.

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Bros for Life.

Feminism, to me, is really about women and men coming together and supporting each other. Who cares if Dolly Parton looks like a Barbie doll and has had more plastic surgery than probably anyone? That’s how she wants to look, and if looking like that makes you feel good, rock on (or country on, in Dolly’s case).

BUST Writer Lisa Butterworth puts all of our concerns to rest by quoting Gloria Steinem, who praised Parton in a 1987 issue of Ms. Magazine, calling her a woman who “has turned all the devalued symbols of womanliness to her own ends.”

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Dolly has always been the first to make fun of herself, which is evident when she jokes that she models her look after the “town tramp.” I think, with everything Dolly Parton has accomplished, even the town tramp can be worthy of the title “Feminist Icon.”

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The Oh-So-Quoteable Dolly

A couple of Dolly quotes from the BUST article I particularly enjoyed:

“I don’t care what people do. I’m not God and I’m not a judge and I just accept people. I try to find the God-like in everybody and respond to that. I just love people and we’re all God’s children so I don’t pass judgment on anything or anybody. I just look for the fun and the joy and the light in everybody.”

“Yes, I’ve always been a dreamer and I’ve always tried. And dreams are special things. But dreams are of no value if they’re not equipped with wings and feet and hands and all that. If you’re gonna make a dream come true, you gotta work it. You can’t just sit around. That’s a wish. That’s not a dream. “

12 Times I Cried During Fried Green Tomatoes

12 Times I Cried During Fried Green Tomatoes

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This weekend I was sans husband, which I always turn into an opportunity to watch a girly, sappy movie that he would NEVER watch with me. So as I was flipping through VUDU, I happened upon the Academy Award nominated film Fried Green Tomatoes, and was like, OMG YES.

While I was watching, I thought, This will be something I could write about: 5 Tear-Jerking Moments in Fried Green Tomatoes. Which was going fine until I burst into tears 12 FREAKING TIMES. (I know, I know. Typical broad…)

Here are the 12 moments from Fried Green Tomatoes that moved me to tears. (Spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the film. But if you haven’t seen it I’m totally judging you right now. GET ON THAT.)

1. When Buddy dies.

This scene sets the tone for Fried Green Tomatoes being the most heart-wrenching movie EVER.

2. When Idgie and Ruth throw food from a train to a shanty town full of hungry people.

Grüne Tomaten / Fried Green Tomatoes

The looks on the faces of kids catching the food totally did me in.

3. When Ruth leaves her abusive husband.

Watching Idgie, Julian and Big George protect Ruth from her abusive husband and help her escape led to ALL THE FEELINGS. This is such a progressive scene. You have to understand that this movie takes place in the Deep South during the 1930s, where domestic violence was likely tolerated and ignored because it’s “a couple’s business.” But the true friendship and love from Idgie, Julian and Big George give Ruth the courage she needs to leave Frank.

4. When Ninny Threadgoode tells Evelyn about her special needs son.

ninny

Ninny explains to Evelyn how a doctor encouraged her to send her son Albert to be raised in a special home because he would be “too much of a burden” to raise. Instead of being a burden, Ninny says that Albert ended up being the joy of her life.

5. When Idgie and Ruth show kindness to Smokey Lonesome.

Smokey Lonesome is a homeless transient who doesn’t have a friend in the world. That is until Idgie and Ruth show him (likely) the only kindness he’s ever known by giving him a place to stay and treating him with dignity.

6. When Buddy Jr. loses his arm.

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This scene is so reminiscent of the initial scene depicting Buddy’s accidental death, so it’s hard to not become teary-eyed. And I just can’t stand to see a hurt kid cry. I used to make fun of my mother for crying when one of us kids was hurt. Now I’m the same way. Oh, genetics.

7. When Evelyn finds out about Mrs. Threadgoode’s house being torn down.

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Evelyn learns from Mrs. Otis’ daughter that Mrs. Threadgoode’s house has been condemned and torn down. Nobody tells Mrs. Threadgoode, because they don’t want to break her heart. But Evelyn knows this is wrong. Elderly people shouldn’t be treated like children. Later, Mrs. Threadgoode finds out about her house and is hurt that nobody told her about it.

8. When Ruth dies of cancer.

Okay so I had to straight up stop the movie at this point to ball my eyes out. This scene is so heartbreaking and real. It reminds me of when my mother lost her best friend, Anne, to cancer. She was only 46 when she died, which may be about the age Ruth is when she passes in the film. Ruth leaves behind a son who was about the same age as Anne’s daughter. There is nothing right about a person dying so young.

Love never dies. No matter how long it’s been since you’ve lost someone, they are still alive in your heart. Ruth’s death in Fried Green Tomatoes reminded me of that.

9.  Evelyn’s quote about how she’s changed because of Mrs. Threadgoode.

evelyn

“Someone helped put a mirror up in front of my face. And I didn’t like what I saw one bit. And you know what I did? I changed. And that someone was Mrs. Threadgoode.” Did I mention how fantastic Kathy Bates is in this film? Her character comes such a long way and I cheered her on throughout the entire film.

10. When Evelyn believes Mrs. Threadgoode is dead.

When Evelyn mistakenly believes Mrs. Threadgoode is dead, she says to the nurse taking down Mrs. Threadgoode’s things: “She may just be another patient to you, but she was my FRIEND! And I LOVED HER!” Oh man. *sniff*

11. When Evelyn tells Ninny, “You’re the reason I get up every morning.”

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I love Evelyn and Ninny’s unlikely friendship.

Do yourself a favor in this life: Befriend an elderly person. They’re the wisest people on earth, they’re often pretty funny, and they have the BEST stories.

One of my first jobs was working with the elderly serving lunch at local senior centers and delivering meals on wheels.  This moment between Evelyn and Ninny made me miss working with the elderly. Little old ladies and gents would often tell me what a difference I made in their day without realizing what a difference they made in MY day. What a blessing that was.

12. The ending.

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People may die, but love never dies. The note Evelyn finds on Ruth’s grave at the end of the film reinforces this. So many hearts.

The novel Fried Green Tomatoes is also fantastic. It’s been many years since I’ve read it, but I remember liking it very much.

So if you haven’t already, watch Fried Green Tomatoes or read the novel if you’re in the mood for a wonderful story and a good cry!