I’m proud I finished college.
It may seem like an ordinary thing to be proud of. However, I dropped out of college my senior year after a severe bout with depression and anxiety. It was the worst decision of my life, and was partially due to the fact that I wasn’t receiving the proper mental health treatment and was on the wrong medication. I didn’t even recognize that I was experiencing severe depression and anxiety. In my depressive state, I just thought I was stupid and couldn’t handle school.
My decision to drop out of school was very rash. Prior to dropping out, I stopped functioning altogether and my grades were terrible. I just wanted to stay home and sleep all day. I also had terrible anxiety whenever I had to do something school-related, to the point where I couldn’t get anything done without having a breakdown.
It became too overwhelming and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I felt really ashamed about dropping out for a long time. My family and I put so much value on education and intelligence. I felt like I couldn’t finish school because I was stupid, which led to more depression. Then I saw all of my friends graduating and getting awesome jobs, which led to more depression. Then I had the shittiest job on the planet in the shittiest work environment I’ve ever encountered, which led to more depression. I eventually had to work two jobs for 70 hours a week just to get by, which led to no time for thinking about or doing anything.
I constantly regretted dropping out of school, and had regular panic attacks because of it. Because I dropped out, I was now working two awful jobs just to get by financially. I couldn’t afford to pursue my dream of traveling, experiencing more of the world, and writing about it. I often dreamed of going back and finishing my degree, but in my depressive state, I figured I would just screw it up again.
After a few years, I was tired of living that way. Sometimes you have to sink that low in order to make a positive life change.
Finally, with money saved from my two jobs, I signed up for online classes to finish my degree. School became my new second job. Even though the classes were online, they were very challenging. I worked really hard every night after work to excel in my classes, which I received all A’s in.
Getting my degree in the mail was one of the most exciting and happiest days of my life. That night, my husband and I went out and celebrated.
I wanted both my maiden name and married name listed on my degree. Because both my family and my husband supported me and made finishing my degree possible.
I’m proud that I finished my degree. I am smart and capable of overcoming challenges. The biggest lesson I learned is that I don’t need a piece of paper to convince anyone of that.
I was the first person in my immediate family to graduate from college. Then my Dad one-upped me and graduated from Harvard. Because he is wicked smaht! (This is a whole other awesome story I will have to share with you later. My Dad overcame MANY more challenges than I did to earn his degree).
My Dad is the person who gave me the passion for learning in the first place. When I was growing up, he always told me: “Lisa, if I die tomorrow, I still want you to go to school.” That passion is what drove me to initially pursue and eventually finish my degree.
I wish I had the money and time to go to grad school, but I don’t right now. Maybe I’ll get to go to grad school someday, and that will be something else I can be proud of!